ADVENT IV  Year A

Sunday  18th December 2022

I have realised, that I have my mother’s hands. Not literally, but the older I get the more my fingers and skin look like hers. They are not particularly big hands, they are quite slender for a man and reasonably regular, (despite the arthritis) like my Mum’s but it is especially, the way the veins stand proud on the surface of my hands and the texture of the skin that remind me of my mum. If you compare our hands, there is definitely no mistaking whose son I am.

I wonder what Joseph thought as he gazed upon the infant Jesus? Yes! He’s got his mother’s nose or eye colour, shape of head or hands but what’s he got of me? Nothing at all - so Scripture would tell us. Jesus was the combination of God and Mary, the Word made flesh, both divine and human at the same time. Jesus may have inherited his human genetic make up from his mother and his divine creator but he probably inherited other important and life defining characteristics from his foster father or adoptive father, Joseph as well.

Joseph, was obviously a good man, a man of principle and love - a  gentle-man in the true sense of the word. Joseph believed what Mary told him and what the angel told him too:

“Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”                        Matthew 1:20b-21

Joseph, did not abandon his betrothed, as he was legally able to do, instead he wrapped her in love and accepted her son as his own. (The whole paternity debate surrounding Jesus has been long argued over and I do not intend to rehearse the arguments, theologies and heresies here this morning - except to state that whatever relationship Joseph had to Jesus it was obviously one based on love and that really is all that matters).

Many people love their children, regardless of the fact that they may not be their  natural  offspring. My stepsons are my boys  regardless of their genetic parentage and my love for them is no less valid or real than the love they receive from their father or mother. It may be different, I cannot tell, not having any natural children but I love them and would do anything for them, including constantly worrying about them. I suspect that Joseph has similar feelings.

I may not have been in my stepsons lives from their birth as Joseph was with Jesus but I have been a part of their growing up for the past 31 years. As such, I hope my reflections on the relationship I have with them can help me begin to comprehend what Joseph might have felt towards Jesus. Joseph was there right from the start, acting as partner and midwife at Jesus birth, so how could he not love the boy that he helped to bring into the world?

To all intents and purposes we can assume, Joseph acknowledged Jesus as his first born son and there are hints in the Gospels that he and Mary may have had other children:

“A crowd was sitting around him; and they said to him,  Your mother and your brothers and sisters are outside asking for you.”   Mark 3:33

Whether Mary was ever virgin as some proclaim, is not, I believe, as important as the fact that she was our Saviour’s mother. The one from whom he got his humanity but it was from both Mary and Joseph that he got his human nature. Both Mary and Joseph raised Jesus to maturity and as such nurtured him into the man he was to become. Joseph showed him what unconditional love and acceptance could look like in action. He accepted him right from his conception, totally and utterly, no questions asked once it had been explained to him. To the world 2000 odd years ago Jesus was known as the  Carpenter’s Son from Nazareth. Even Scripture tells us that.

‘That’s my boy.'  Joseph could say and I believe, rightly so. For Jesus was not only entrusted to Mary but to Joseph as well and I am saddened that as a father, Joseph often gets left out or portrayed as an impotent old man, rather than the youthful, dynamic force and example to his foster son that he was. As a step-parent I want to hear it for Joseph and I want to give thanks for the rôle model he offers.

It is not easy being a step-parent because you are always conscious that you are one-step removed and must never seek to usurp the natural parent in their rightful role, should they claim it. You can, however, offer parental support and love, unconditionally as the  other trusted adult. Perhaps the one who is never seen to judge but who can  be there   when relationships with the natural parents may be strained by adolescent angst.

I have learned much from my boys as their step-father and I constantly give thanks for them and the love we share. It truly is a gift from God. Joseph too, I like to think and hope also gave thanks for Jesus  his son  and loved and worried about him just as much as his mother did. So although Jesus may (or may not) have shared Joseph s genetic make-up he truly did share in the father/son bond with his earthly dad, just as much as he shared in the father/son bond with his divine parent.

I share genetic traits with both my parents and I have shared in their parental love. So although I see my mother in my hands, I see my father in other ways. I don’t share genes with my step-sons but they do share some of my characteristics and personality traits because I have been one of the lucky people  to raise them. At the end of the day you do not have to have you own natural children to love any more or less than the children you do have, love is not dictated by genetics alone. I can think of three families well known to me who have adopted their children and what loving parents and family life I see in them.

Joseph, I truly believe, was one of the  good guys. Someone we should value and admire for the rôle he played in the incarnation and in our salvation. It is all too easy, to forget the  adoptive-father in the Christmas Story but without him quite what might the story have been and quite what would Jesus life and ministry have been without the rôle model of the loving man, Joseph, his father in all but biology.

I am Joseph, carpenter

Of David s kingly line,

I wanted an heir; discovered

My wife's son wasn’t mine.

I am an obstinate lover,

Loved Mary for better or worse.

Wouldn t stop loving when I found

Someone else came first.

Mine was the likeness I hoped for

When the first-born man-child came.

But nothing of him was me. I couldn’t

Even choose his name.

I am Joseph, who wanted

To teach my own boy how to live.

My lesson for my foster son:

Endure. Love. Give.

UA Fan Thorpe   ‘Joseph’