The extract from Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians this morning is entitled; ‘Rules for the new life’ and I think it is worthwhile reading that passage again:
“So then, putting away falsehood let all of us speak the truth to our neighbours, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil. Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labour and work honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy. Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 4:25-5:2
My grannie always insisted, when we children stayed with her, that we never went to bed without sorting out any problems we might have had with each other or making up after an argument. I asked her why one day and she told me the following story.
When her parents Frank and Phoebe were first married her father went to work one morning, not talking to his wife after a horrendous argument they began the night before. My great-grandfather did not even say goodbye as he left the house and walked to work as a blacksmith with Huntley and Palmer. Many couples argue and sometimes the bad feelings can be left unchecked and grumpiness is the order of the day, as it was for my great- grandparents.
During the day at work Frank was involved in a nasty accident. A hammer head came off its shank as another blacksmith was using it. It hit Frank on the side of the head. He was lucky not to be killed by the blow or blinded. Phoebe was, as you might guess, devastated and they both realised that if Frank had been killed then Phoebe would have spent the rest of her life regretting the fact that she and Frank had not had the sense to make up before he went to work. From that day forward they never went to bed on an argument.
Actually, it is a good policy; you never sleep well if you go to bed on an argument. Having the sense to make up is the sign I think of a healthy relationship, a relationship in which you are both prepared to make the first move and say sorry.
It can be all too easy not to put things right as soon as possible and that can lead quite easily to estrangement or malice; neither of which are healthy. Paul tells the Ephesians, and it applies equally to all of us too, that they should always:
- Speak the truth
- When angry not to be malicious
- To be honest
- To share what they have
- To hold their tongues and to think before speaking
- To be kind and compassionate
- To be ready and willing to forgive
These rules Paul suggests are the hallmarks of living a life based on the doctrine of loving in the love of God. For once I think Paul is right, in fact unusually for me, I wholeheartedly agree with Paul’s teaching and I suspect it is based on his own experience.
Many Christians try to follow a ‘Rule of Life’ that tends to address the spiritual aspects of one’s being. I attempt to follow the ‘Rule of St.Benedict’ – which is not only about one’s spiritual life but about the whole of life. It could however be summed up in those words of Paul written two thousand years ago to the Ephesians.
Having a few rules or guidelines in one’s life is a good way of trying to live a good life and a life that is not selfish or hedonistic but based on love. Over this coming week try re-reading St.Paul’s words. Let them seep into your being and refer to them every so often to remind yourself that we Christians are called to live a life based on love - the love of God as shown to us in Christ Jesus.
Love that encourages us to forgive and to forget, to seek to do the best for others and to respect oneself as well. Paul’s verses in Chapter 13 of his First Epistle to the Corinthians will help you alongside his words to the Ephesians to work out your own rules of life:
“4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends.” 1Corinthians 13:4-8